"In the FRZ
We use flight plans
that aren't flight plans, and
air-traffic procedures,
that aren't air traffic procedures
Why should anyone
find that confusing?"
PROPOSED
4/1/2008
New TSA General Aviation
Airport Security Program
By strategicallyplacing a series of securable doors , when locked,
these doors will provide additional
security against unauthorized passage.
EMERGENCY
AIRSPACE
NOTAM
12/12/4587
Part 1
All Pilots and aircraft
operating under all FAA regulations evenly divisible by three,
and then divisible by two, leaving no remainder greater than
four, shall avoid the
space described hereafter described in part two, except as
excluded under other parts that remain unmentionable.
Part 2
Restricted airspace is
defined as the area within the following area: From the
great oak tree, take three hundred brisk paces toward the
setting sun, until reaching a stone wall. At the stone
wall, turn to the right, until directly facing a large mulberry
bush. Do not stop at the small mulberry bush, but
keep turning until the large mulberry bush is before you.
Walk half way to the mulberry bush, and then turn right again,
until you see Mrs. O'Grady's cow. Walk to the nose of the
cow, turn to the right once more, and then return to your
original location. This area is to be avoided.
Part 3
Any pilots crossing into
any of the aforementioned area shall be subject to arrest, and
all sorts of nasty letters, because we will empty the Nation's
Capital if you do, and that will make us look pretty silly, and
we don't like that, so we will blame our over-reaction and it
will be your fault. Pilots are required to check all
available sources of information for the current position of
Mrs. O'Grady's cow.
NOTAM
1456/54-2
EFFECTIVE
IMMEDIATELY
Part 1
All
unauthorized airborne movements within
about 15 miles of the Washington VOR/DME will be
blasted to little bits.
Part 2
To avoid getting blasted to little
bits, apply for
authorization to operate from Potomac Airfield by grabbing
bananas below. Any persons applying for
clearance hereby waive all claims to injuries
sustained from the clearance process, including
but not limited to cigar burns, beatings with a
rubber hose, and/or other measures as may be required
by various Federal agencies, some of
which leave unpleasant yet temporary bruises, and
occasionally stain the carpets.
Part 3
Any terrorists, or
would be terrorists applying for clearance at
Potomac Airfield shall be required to provide
parking for at least two unmarked cars within a
convenient walking distance from their places of
work and residence.