Some minor paperwork, and ah, er... some
'background' research
A brief interrogation ...no visible
bruises above the neckline, guaranteed A special securityclearance, with
special procedures
And an easy way to fly ...with not
one aircraft shot down, unnecessarily NO COST -
FOR POTOMAC PILOTS call 301 248 5720
THE BEST
AIR TRAFFIC SERVICE
IN THE AREA
"Attack wing Alpha, designated target bearing 220,"
"One-two miles from bulls-eye; angels one-five."
"Bravo, confirming your target identified,"
"You are authorized to engage"
"Authorization foxtrot foxtrot zulu,"
"Repeat, foxtrot foxtrot zulu"
"Bravo, engaging target, weapons hot, fox two"
"Alpha, break left bearing 180, resume track"
"Skymaster N86121, you are cleared into Potomac,"
"Welcome back, and have a nice day..."
"In the FRZ
We use flight plans
that aren't flight plans, and
air-traffic procedures,
that aren't air traffic procedures
Why should anyone
find that confusing?"
PROPOSED
4/1/2008
New TSA General Aviation
Airport Security Program
By strategicallyplacing a series of securable doors , when locked, these doors will provide additional
security against unauthorized passage.
EMERGENCY
AIRSPACE
NOTAM
12/12/4587
Part 1
All Pilots and aircraft
operating under all FAA regulations evenly divisible by three,
and then divisible by two, leaving no remainder greater than
four, shall avoid the
space described hereafter described in part two, except as
excluded under other parts that remain unmentionable.
Part 2
Restricted airspace is
defined as the area within the following area: From the
great oak tree, take three hundred brisk paces toward the
setting sun, until reaching a stone wall. At the stone
wall, turn to the right, until directly facing a large mulberry
bush. Do not stop at the small mulberry bush, but
keep turning until the large mulberry bush is before you.
Walk half way to the mulberry bush, and then turn right again,
until you see Mrs. O'Grady's cow. Walk to the nose of the
cow, turn to the right once more, and then return to your
original location. This area is to be avoided.
Part 3
Any pilots crossing into
any of the aforementioned area shall be subject to arrest, and
all sorts of nasty letters, because we will empty the Nation's
Capital if you do, and that will make us look pretty silly, and
we don't like that, so we will blame our over-reaction and it
will be your fault. Pilots are required to check all
available sources of information for the current position of
Mrs. O'Grady's cow.
NOTAM
1456/54-2
EFFECTIVE
IMMEDIATELY
Part 1
All
unauthorized airborne movements within
about 15 miles of the Washington VOR/DME will be
blasted to little bits.
Part 2
To avoid getting blasted to little
bits, apply for
authorization to operate from Potomac Airfield by grabbing
bananas below. Any persons applying for
clearance hereby waive all claims to injuries
sustained from the clearance process, including
but not limited to cigar burns, beatings with a
rubber hose, and/or other measures as may be required
by various Federal agencies, some of
which leave unpleasant yet temporary bruises, and
occasionally stain the carpets.
Part 3
Any terrorists, or
would be terrorists applying for clearance at
Potomac Airfield shall be required to provide
parking for at least two unmarked cars within a
convenient walking distance from their places of
work and residence.
Comments from pilots recently cleared at Potomac:
Peter W: "I successfully
relocated my aircraft to VKX yesterday evening; I
had a really lovely flight from GAI to VKX,
vectored at 2000 feet with a beautiful view of the
monuments and the mall. I feel really privileged
to be able to do that, and grateful to you for all
your hard work at keeping the airport open to GA."
Jim R: "Thanks for your help yesterday. Filing
and getting out of the airport is quite a simple
task, it just sounds scary. Having an ident
coming trough a busy traffic area was reassuring.
I felt other pilots knew where I was.
As a person from the mid-west I can see our
freedom slowly being taken away. I realize
protection for our leaders and citizens is
paramount, and in these times of lack of human
rights and disregard of life, liberty and pursuit
of happiness by a few unjust, we are asked to
sacrifice some of our liberties. I am sure I
don't have answers or solutions for these issues,
I do feel we collectively with our great leaders
can and will find a way to protect our
constitution and bill of rights. I do appreciate
your effort in finding a way to work with all the
agencies to come to a compromise in providing some
solution."
DISPELLING
MYTHS From a pilot based at
Potomac: 5-15-2005
MYTH #1“It’s hard to get cleared to operate into/out of
Potomac
and even harder to operate there.”Obviously perpetuated by someone who hasn’t
been cleared to operate and who doesn’t operate at
Potomac!I routinely operate at
several of the towered airports in the greater DC area, and am
routinely delayed by ATC for traffic congestion, lost flight plans,
etc.In fact, I’ve even
had to shut down on the taxiway waiting in line to depart from a
towered airport!
The
clearance/background investigation process is easy and
straightforward.If
you’re paranoid about giving the government information that they
already have on you, then it’s best you spend your valuable time
driving out to
Manassas
, Warrenton,
Gaithersburg
,
Stafford
or one of the other outlying airports.
Once cleared, operating is even easier.You file your flight plan and obtain your discrete squawk and
departure frequency just like any other non-towered airport within the
ADIZ … which I think happens to be easier then trying to get it from
Ground Control along with the 10 other pilots stepping on your radio
transmission!
MYTH #2
“It takes too long to get across the
Wilson
Bridge
from VA.”It is if
you stay in the slow lanes!Traffic
is a strange animal and it has its unique pattern flows, as I’m sure
all of you daily commuters know.The
Wilson
Bridge
is no different.The
secret for crossing the
Wilson
Bridge
during heavy traffic periods is to stay in the FAR right lane all the
way until it turns into an exit lane for Hwy 1 southbound.Then, get over into the left lane for crossing the bridge.I’ve been traveling to/from Potomac from
Virginia
now for the past 4 years and it never fails that the three left lanes
are consistently slow, while the right lane continues to move at a
much faster rate.Try it;
you’ll be pleasantly surprised!
To those pilots, and to all of you, from me, thank
you. DJW
