THE PROBLEM WITH ASKING THE FAA ANYTHING

Since at least 1800, except for certain areas, Americans have been adequately brushing their teeth.

Suppose, for a moment, that by some bizarre twist of politics and bureaucracy, perhaps under Congressional mandate to 'do something to improve standards,' the FAA was somehow given jurisdiction over tooth brushing.

Obviously, all that brushing would have to stop, until the FAA could issue some technical standards.

So, innocently enough, the FAA would be asked, "How should we brush our teeth?"

After a lengthy process to determine which part of the FAA should be the 'lead' on the matter, the FAA would assign various staff, technical groups, and oversight committees.

Perhaps six to nine months later, after careful deliberation by any and all departments that MIGHT have something to say, all of which are waiting to see what the other departments have to say first, but since they were asked they all feel they must throw in something, the FAA finally formally submits its reply to Congress:

"You pick up your tooth brush in your right hand, and brush from left to right for about one minute; before you go to sleep."

What are the consequences of this innocent, well-meaning official statement?

1.  It is now illegal to use your left hand to hold your toothbrush.

2.  Since the FAA did not specifically spell out alternate periods of compliance, brushing your teeth after breakfast or lunch is not authorized.

3.  Tasked with enforcement, and often greatly embarrassed by their own requirements, from time to time the FAA has to come out to the few locations where they have jurisdiction to see if anyone is brushing their teeth with the wrong hand, or at the wrong time.

4.  Thus, while there are those who are willing to follow the FAA to the letter of the law on how and when to brush their teeth, these are the same people who have entirely lost sight of the original question.

The rest of the world has fewer cavities, because the rest of the world brushes its teeth whenever and however they need to brush.

And therein lies the underlying problem with citizens blindly looking to, and waiting for, the basically well-meaning but somewhat bumbling Government to tell everyone what to do.

Despite well-meaning efforts from both sides of any question, if you have to ask, most of your teeth will fall out.

David Wartofsky - Now Specializing in Bureaucratic Dentistry