HISTORY OF THE POTOMAC AIRFIELD...

Information, as reliable as it gets!

RECENT DEVELOPMENTS

Jan 1998       

Numerous Federal officials retire to lavish homes recently purchased with cash, in predominantly foreign countries, occasionally with astonishingly younger, often buxom women.

Nov 1997   

FAA approves GPS & VOR-DME approaches into Potomac.

June 1997   

Dick Weaver of FAA Eastern Region Flight Procedures office is mysteriously overcome by marshmallow peeps.  During his stay at the Betty Ford clinic Paul Berkmose secretly destroys all incriminating files by submitting them to FAA Headquarters for review.  (Berkmose uncovered as English spy, a man called "Intrepid").

May 1997

After holding DCA's Tower-Chief's pet cat Mortimer hostage for 3 weeks, airfield succeeds in obtaining DCA's "Enthusiastic support"  for instrument approaches into Potomac.  Mortimer returns home mostly intact.

March 1997

Numerous pilots and Federal officials seek immodest liaison with Potomac's NDB transmitter.  NDB says, "Unavailable..."

February 1997

Airfield manager retains lubricous (look it up, it implies really really sexy) female voice for on-field NDB transmitter.  Numerous near misses reported over VKX.

January 1997

Paleontologists uncover ancient bones of long lost bureaucrat buried beneath piles of legislative paperwork at FAA headquarters.  Carbon dating (they were still using carbon paper!) places bones and paperwork from the Triassic period.  Researchers conclude that FAA was originally an ancient Druidic sect, dedicated to the promulgation of widespread confusion and anxiety.

Late 1996

A hoary troll (airport owner) and its evil spawn (Benjamin & Jacob) move nearby the airfield.  They are strangely attended with caring, affection and tolerance by some Bay Watch babe (my wife Kelley) with a law degree.

Circa 1992

NDB commissioned at Potomac Airfield.  FAA changes airfield's identifier to VKX (huh?) when FAA Spectrum Engineering threatens another division to "Come up with an identifier by noon, or we'll make one up." 

1980's

Helen Keller School of Urban Planning closes its doors.

Homebuyers happily buy homes 29 feet under the approach path to Potomac Airfield, each and every buyer signing a full disclosure and hold-harmless agreement.

Local zoning agency applies planning theories learned from the Helen Keller School of Urban Planning and issues building permits for homes off the end of the runway.

Losing strategic access to the Potomac Airfield the Soviet Union collapses.

Airfield repaves its access road, which had been previously intentionally fragmented to keep Soviet T-72 tanks from being able to access the Potomac Airfield in the event of an invasion.

Potomac Airfield repaves its runway and taxiway.

Buildings refurbished from Post-Depression Nihilistic design to something a bit more, ahh, well, umm. cheery.

Bio-Hazard team moves in for preliminary sterilization of facility

Stock market collapses as airfield purchased.

Airfield acquired by carpet-baggers from Boston.

1987

Airfield suffers numerous air strikes, leaving gaping holes in runway.

Iran-Contra Maule aircraft shot down.  Space in round hangar becomes available for lease.

CIA bases numerous aircraft at Potomac in support of Contras.

WORLD WAR II

THE GREAT 1920's

Wright brothers fly at Kittyhawk.  Pilots at Potomac say "Duh.   We've been flying out of here for hundreds of years."

CIVIL WAR PERIOD

Conflict arises over who shall control Potomac Airfield; North and South divide at Potomac.  President Lincoln states "If were going to start a war over this, we'd better come up with a better story."

REVOLUTIONARY WAR

Spanish armada consisting of 20 galleons sails across Atlantic Ocean and up Tinker's Creek.  New world initially named POTOMAC AIRFIELD, subsequently changed to AMERICA.

PRE-CAMBRIAN

Native tribes begin construction of landing strip for the gods, carrying name of Ptolmaic Arra-Field.

Ptolomy, named after the Potomac Airfield, a favorite resting spot when visiting Washington DC, evolves his theory about the sun, stars and earth.

For lack of regular sacrifices, Mount Potomac sinks into earth during massive volcanic eruption (thus creating today's quaint valley setting for the airfield).

Ancient Druidic cult starts using Mount Potomac (VIXGH in ancient Druidic) for ghastly human sacrifices to Old Ones and Yog-Sogoth.

A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME AGO

Life on Earth begins from Martian Pterodactyl droppings mixing with sediment.

Potomac Airfield used as earth-side off-loading facility for Pterodactyls from Mars.

Ancient, pure-energy thought creatures move hydrogen gasses around a bit of dust floating in the void of outer space.  Pure energy thought-creatures quoted by NY Times "Hey, we just wanted to make a nice place to hang out and go flying."