FEDERAL AGENCIES ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE To my friends and readers in the White House, the Pentagon, the FAA, the State Aviation Administrations, on various Congressional Committees, friends in the ‘Dark Forces,’ and the many pilots and non-pilots who get this, you may have noticed there is a wee bit of confusion here in Washington DC.  Let me clarify by example:

 

CURRENT ADIZ PROCEDURES

 

STEP 1. CALLING FLIGHT SERVICE

 

Rrnnng.  Rrrnng  Rnnng Rnnng Rnnng….

 

PILOT "My name is Muhammad Atta, I am a terrorist; I would like to file a flight plan for my stolen Learjet with two weapons of mass destruction onboard, to fly over Washington DC at 2PM this afternoon, if that would be convenient."

 

FLIGHT SERVICE:  "Mr. Atta, why yes, yes indeed, as per current published procedures, your flight plan is filed as requested; enjoy your flight and have a nice day!"

 

STEP 2.  CALLING DEPARTURE CONTROL

 

Rrnnng.  Rrrnng  Rnnng Rnnng Rnnng….

 

PILOT "My name is Muhammad Atta, I am a terrorist; I would like to open my flight plan to obtain a beacon code so that I may fly my stolen Learjet over Washington with my two weapons of mass destruction at 2 PM this afternoon.”

 

DEPARTURE CONTROL:  "Mr Atta, as per current published procedures, squawk 4567, enjoy your flight and have a nice day!"

 

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And the point is?

 

So that controllers can vector innocent pilots away from the confusion of Notams written in Chinese?

 

 

CURRENT ‘FRZ’ PROCEDURES

 

STEP 1:  CALLING FLIGHT SERVICE

 

Rrrrnnng.  Rnnng…

 

"My name is David Wartofsky, I have been cleared by the United States Secret Service, the FAA, and the TSA to fly in the most sensitive airspace in the world.  For the privilege of flying in this airspace I use confidential, easy-to-use, well-proven, effective, military air-combat identify–friend–or-foe (‘IFF’) techniques that positively identify me as a known ‘Friend’ having in-cockpit control of whatever aircraft I happen to be flying at whatever time, to the various means of detection, interdiction and defense that are unique to Washington DC; using procedures as directed two years ago by the President of the United States.”

 

“Unless I specifically request, I do not need a weather briefing nor any further dialogue with Flight Services; merely the quick and convenient generation of a confidential airspace clearance.”

 

“These procedures uniquely and positively identify me to FAA air traffic, NORAD, and US Customs; based on what I say or do, (or not); and can quickly draw my friends flying those Blackhawks, F16's, or more, to intercept me if I am under duress, or should I fail to authenticate myself.  These procedures also keep those Blackhawks and F16’s at bay if everything is fine; and”

 

FOR TWO YEARS I have never had to worry about the limits of airspace because I am cleared through these limits by using these SIMPLE techniques.

 

“I am briefed to expect that getting lost over Washington without clearance will get me intercepted, or worse; which is what I will convey clearly to any kidnapper or holder of my family, should the question be asked. “

 

“I have inspected the ONLY compartment in my aircraft, its six-inch glove box, for weapons of mass destruction.  Had I found any WMD I would not take off at all.”

 

FLIGHT SERVICE:  "Mr. Wartofsky, what is the confidential authorization code that was issued you by TSA after you were cleared by the FAA, TSA, and the USSS?"

 

PILOT:  "My confidential authorization code is '007’, codename ‘Vanguard”

 

FLIGHT SERVICE:  "Mr. Wartofsky, you have been authenticated, how may we be of assistance?"

 

PILOT:  "I would like to file a confidential, dynamic, military airspace clearance having the unbreakable security of a one-pad encryption, (look it up!) for myself, my wife, and my two children, in my small Cessna N86121 at 7PM this evening"

 

FLIGHT SERVICE:  “Your clearance (flight plan) is filed, sir, have a nice day!”

 

STEP2:  CALLING DEPARTURE CONTROL

 

Rrrrrng Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrng.

 

PILOT:  “Good evening, I am David Wartofsky, authenticating myself by the mere act of correctly requesting my heretofore confidential military airspace clearance, so that I may use my confidential IFF procedures to leave the area without being shot down.  By various means I am NOT giving you the any of the duress signals, I need no air-traffic services at all, and I have also checked my aircraft for weapons of mass destruction.”

 

“And oh, by the way, I didn’t find any”

 

DEPARTURE CONTROL  “Your mere request of your heretofore classified airspace clearance authenticates you, squawk 1234 and enjoy your flight!”

 

INBOUND PILOT "Good Evening Approach Control, this is call-sign N86121, cleared by the United States Secret Service, inbound from a place and time known only to me and Air-Traffic, airborne 30 miles south of Washington, requesting to ‘open’ my airspace clearance to return home to Potomac Airfield with my wife and children.  As you already know, I have checked the six-inch glove box of my Cessna for any weapons of mass destruction.  By the way, I didn’t find any”